KNOXVILLE, Tn. (AP) –
Since Tennessee’s magical 1998 season, the BCS National Championship has known only one home – The University of Tennessee Football Complex. But on Tuesday, sources close to the football program were claiming it – along with a Philly cheese steak sandwich, a bag of Doritos, a tub of sour cream, four meat muffins, six pastries, and a bag of peanuts – had found a new home. Phillip Fulmer’s stomach.
“I saw a little bit of something on his shirt, and thought it was shiny donut crumbs,” said an athletic department employee. “It wasn’t. It was shiny crystal-football crumbs.”
Fulmer denied the report and called it untrue, saying in a written statement “I deny the report and call it untrue.” But the unidentified source called the embattled coach a liar. And a fatty.
“He would always look at the trophy real hard and like stare at it all funny and make big eyes. I thought it made him proud,” said the source. “Turns out it just made him hungry.”
And so, according to the source, Fulmer ate it. All of it. Including the shiny black base, which according to the source, Fulmer claimed tasted like chicken.
Late Tuesday afternoon, an additional report surfaced claiming that Fulmer had eaten Peyton Manning’s 1997 Heisman trophy. However, those reports turned out to be untrue when it was discovered that Peyton Manning did not win the 1997 Heisman trophy. Charles Woodson did.
Comments