REPORT: Saban naming-craze reaches new low with one 'Bama fan

MONTOGMERY, Al. (AP) –

Alabama fans, long thought to be the most passionate fans in college athletics, have reached a new high. Or low, if you will. Several months after a Hartselle couple named their newborn baby after Alabama’s new head coach, a Montgomery man has taken it a step further. And named something else after the Crimson Tide’s revered coach.

Just last week Alabama fan Cletus McCletuston, 31, finally chose a name for his penis – Dick Saban.

While some may view the move as puzzling, according to McCletuston the choice was easy. “Well, me and my wife had always wanted to go about naming it,” said McCletuston. “But I couldn’t give it no sissy name. It had to be a badass name. A awesome name. A name that made people go ‘wow, that is awesome.’ You know, not everybody has a National Championship-caliber tallywacker.”

It is rumored that a number of American men every year issue names to their penis. While no one is exactly sure of the percentage, it is believed this is the first time a college football coach has been the inspiration for the naming. It is also the first reported sports-genetalia naming since the early 1980s, when a Boston woman reportedly named her vagina Hairy Bird.

“Everybody thinks I’m crazy,” said McCletuston. “And maybe I am. Hell, my tallywacker is named after a football coach. But my wife and I noticed the difference immediately.”

“You know, Coach Saban is relentless, always gets the job done, and never quits working,” he said. “And I gotta say, ol’ Dick takes right after him.”

The highly-publicized penis naming is yet another example of why people across the country consider Alabama football fans to be a breed of their own. Alabama fans, and their football program, have been the topic of national discussion recently. It all started with the firing of Mike Shula, and continued throughout their highly-publicized coaching search – which ended in the hiring of Nick Saban. With Saban at the helm, Alabama fans have showed record support, even bringing 92,138 fans to a spring game. McCletuston is just happy to finally have a coach. And a name. For his penis.

According to McCletuston, he had never before had a name for his privates. “Naw, this is the first time,” he said. “But after last year’s Auburn game, we thought about naming my wife’s vagina ‘Shula.’”

Comments

[Phil Fulmer Blows]

In honor of this I have decided to name my asshole Phil Fulmer, because no one else is as full of shit as he is. I had dificulty deciding if I should name my asshole Phil Fulmer, or if I should name the toilet Phil Fulmer so that I could shit on him every day. In the end I decided to go with my asshole...I guess I can go with Tommy Tubberville or Les Miles for the toilet.