Network also agrees to hold joint casting call for Auburn QB
AUBURN, Ga. (AP) -
Can you play quarterback?
Or if that sounds too difficult, can you play quarterback at Auburn?
America, or at least the small portion of it that is aware of Auburn football, will get the chance to find out. Thanks to "the Ocho."
ESPN's step-sister network, ESPN8, will broadcast the colossal New Mexico State-Auburn game this weekend at 6:00 PM ET, while everyone else is watching Georgia play Alabama. But at 2:30 PM, while everyone else is watching LSU play South Carolina, "the Ocho" will begin conducting an open casting call. For an Auburn quarterback. Who doesn’t suck. Ass.
“We agreed to broadcast this game because we have so much respect for Auburn’s vast tradition,” said ESPN8 spokesman Stan Del Greco. “Plus ESPN2, ESPN3, ESPN4, ESPN5, ESPN6, and ESPN7 all passed.”
The quarterback casting call, created jointly by “Ocho” executives and Auburn coach Tommy Tuberville, will be aired live in reality show fashion. The competition is open to anyone.
“And by that, we mean anyone,” said Tuberville. “You. You who are reading this article. Do you have an arm? And I don’t mean ‘arm’ like ‘can you throw the football really far.’ I mean like do you physically have a limb attached to your torso? Because if so, we’re good.”
Tuberville is in desperate search of a spark for his offense, which ranks 103rd in the nation and 4th among Mississippi schools. During his tenure as the head coach of Auburn, his teams have been among the best in the nation. Since his hire in 1999, Tuberville has made Auburn into a team that can dominate and outrecruit any program in the country that is on devastating probation.
This will mark the first-ever time "The Ocho," which doesn't really exist, has aired a football game involving an SEC team. "We are excited to get the opportunity to broadcast the country's premier football conference. It’s a big surprise to us that Auburn sucks this bad, and it’s a big surprise that we’ve been chosen to air this game,” said Del Greco. “Especially since we aren't real."
Auburn, at 1-2 with home losses to lowly Mississippi State and intrastate rival South Florida, has fallen on hard times this season. Typically one of the most powerful programs in the state of Tennessee, the Tigers have managed to win at least 16.6666667% of the SEC West title for the past fifteen years in a row.
In 2004, the program went undefeated to claim their first ever Dr. Thunder "Buy-One-Get-One-Free" National Championship. One look at the school’s official mantra – “Is Alabama still on probation?” – and you can see pride, independence, and security. Not to mention what this program means to its home state. Of Arkansas.
Throughout its history, Auburn has had 76 winning seasons, 12 shares of winning seasons, 62 All-Americans, 16 “People’s All-Americans,” 33 bowl appearances, and 8 appearances at other people’s bowl games. Since 2:34 P.M. on September the 6th, 2002 and not counting Thursdays, Auburn has the best winning percentage of any team in the country that is coached by Tommy Tuberville.
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