Gump4Heisman.com
If you are an NFL fan, this is undoubtedly a confusing time for you. Brett Favre has Green Bay sitting at 3-0, and he's completed 64% of his passes for 861 yards, 6 TDs, and only 2 INTs. Yet the calendar says "September 26, 2007."
What in the name of Keanu Reeves in Point Break is going on here?
How could this be?
Shouldn't Brett Favre be more like 0-3, with 6 INTs and 2 TDs? What is going on you ask? Is Sharon Stone still a box office draw? Is "Champagne Supernova" still the greatest song ever? Should you freak out, get a bowl-cut, buy a Tommy Hilfigger shirt and jam out to some Alice in Chains?
No. No. No.
The best thing to in situations like this is to breathe in and relax. Take it easy. And read Gump4Heisman's handy "49 Things To Do Now That Brett Favre is 3-0."
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1) Do the Carlton dance. Because Brett Favre is 3-0.
2) Break out the cargo pants and fill the pockets with Alanis Morrisette CDs.
3) Offer a stranger $150 for a Tickle Me Elmo doll. Then sell it to another stranger for $250.
4) Argue over how many Budweisers it would take you to "Whassssssssup!" Monica Lewinsky.
5) Go see Scream.
Why? Because Brett Favre is 3-0.
6) Talk about how awesome The Rock was, and how there's no way Con Air can suck.
7) Argue over who made the 'black-guy-with-blonde-hair' look cooler – Dennis Rodman as himself in San Antonio, or Wesley Snipes as Simon Phoenix in Demolition Man.
8) Make a bet with a friend over who will hit it bigger – Ben Affleck or Matt Damon. Bet heavily on Matt Damon.
9) Talk about how much of a given it is that Ken Griffey Jr. will break Hank Aaron's all-time homerun record.
10) Talk about how you think Danny Wuerffel will be a better NFL quarterback than Peyton Manning.
11) Log into AOL using dial-up on your Gateway computer. Enter in the web address www.BecauseBrettFavreis3-0.com
12) Double-check, then triple-check, your plans for Y2K.
13) Argue with your friend over who is hotter, “the blonde chick” from No Doubt, or “the hot one” from the Spice Girls.
14) Make a bet with a friend over which Hanson brother will hill hit it bigger. Bet heavily on none.
15) Go see Clueless.
16) Play Doom on your Gateway computer.
17) Argue whether or not the Unabomber looks more like Weird Al Yankovic or Michael Jackson.
18) Will Sarah McLachlan actually remember you? Yes. Because Brett Favre is 3-0.
19) Watch back-to-back episodes of Beverly Hills 90210 while wearing a fanny pack filled with Furbys.
20) Talk about how bad the final episode of Seinfeld "sucked."
21) Talk about how you know the Charlotte Hornets will never go away and how you wish Larry Johnson was your real “Grandmama.”
22) Talk about how there's no way Who Wants to Be A Millionaire? could ever get old.
23) Go see Scream 2. Why? Because Brett Favre is 3-0.
24) Talk about how clean-cut Sammy Sosa and Mark McGuire are, and how good they are for baseball.
25) Talk about how this is the year Peyton Manning will finally beat Florida.
26) Tell your friends that you just knew both John Travolta and Michael Jordan would make huge comebacks in the same year.
27) Put on a pair of Reebok Pumps and get in an argument over whether or not the dinosaurs in Jurassic Park could ever happen. While pumping. And smiling. Because Brett Favre is 3-0.
28) Read 12 articles about how The Beatles Anthology is SO much better than all the other dozens of Beatles collections that have been released since their 1970 split.
29) Talk about how Sportscenter will never survive without Keith Olberman.
30) Talk about there's no way George Lucas could ever make a shitty Star Wars movie.
31) Make a bet with a friend over which movie will have the most lasting power, Independence Day or Twister. Bet heavily on “neither.”
32) Watch the video for “The Crossroads” by Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. While watching, play a game in which you try to understand one single word the Mexican-looking guy with the afro says.
33) Buy a black-bagged copy of the comic book where Superman dies because "it will be worth something one day."
34) Buy a huge stack of POGS because "they will be worth something one day."
35) Read Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus while listening to Celine Dion on your Walkman.
36) Ask someone you know the following questions (consecutively and in this order):
“Did you know Jewel used to live out of her car?”
“Hi, would you be interested in going to see Space Jam?”
“Did you hear that Bush is opening for Matchbox 20?”
“So do you think Hootie and the Blowfish can sell more albums than the Beatles?”
“Do you think R. Kelly actually believes he can fly?”
“Is George Clooney not going to be the best Batman ever?”
37) Talk about how there's no way videogames will ever look realer than Nintendo 64.
38) Pick a side in the 2Pac – Biggie rap battle.
39) Pop someone with a red turtle shell in a game of Mario Kart 64.
40) Snipe someone in the back of the head in a multi-player game of Goldeneye on Nintendo 64.
41) Pretend that you don't actually get a semi every time you play Tomb Raider on Playstation.
42) Listen to Elton John’s “Candle in the Wind” while crying and driving and eating a push pop.
43) Rollerblade to the SUV dealership and buy a Jeep 'Grand' Cherokee. Why? Because it's 'Grand.' And because Brett Favre is 3-0.
44) Watch Titanic while you huddle close to your Beanie Baby collection and cry.
45) Tell a friend wearing Tommy Hilfiger jeans how there's no way anyone from N'SYNC will ever make it solo.
46) Get really pissed about OJ getting away with it. Unless you're black. Because Brett Favre is 3-0.
47) Get in an argument over who is more clean-cut: Britney Spears or Christina Aguilera.
48) Make a bet with a friend whether or not Ricky Martin is gay. Bet heavily on ‘we never found out.’
49) Get out your beeper and page your girlfriend with “the Rachel” haircut to remind her that A) it’s “Party of Five” night, B) you just got the “Reality Bites” soundtrack, and C) you feel like doing the Macarena because you just found out the Bulls got Dennis Rodman.
And because Brett Favre is 3-0.
GRAD YOUR BOTTLE OF LUBE AND WACK OFF TO USA'S UP-ALLNIGHT RHONDA BECAUSE FAVRE IS 3-0
Posted by: PORGE | September 27, 2007 at 01:22 PM
Up All Night Rhonda. Now that chick has some JUGS.
Posted by: but he sure is fast! | September 27, 2007 at 01:46 PM
Will be interesting what we should do when Brett is 4-0..which may just happen in less than an hour...
Posted by: Helen | September 30, 2007 at 02:06 PM
Will be interesting what we should do when Brett is 4-0..which may just happen in less than an hour...
Posted by: Helen | September 30, 2007 at 02:06 PM
Will be interesting what we should do when Brett is 4-0..which may just happen in less than an hour...
Posted by: Helen | September 30, 2007 at 02:07 PM
Will be interesting what we should do when Brett is 4-0..which may just happen in less than an hour...
Posted by: Helen | September 30, 2007 at 02:07 PM