RANDOM NFL OBSERVATION OF THE WEEK: Titans QB Sage Rosenfels looks like Robocop

GUMP4HEISMAN.COM

Yes, you read that right. And no, you are not having an acid flashback. You are not dyslexic. You are not high on crack. You are not high on nuke. The entire point of this write-up is to compare Houstan Texans back-up QB and Robocop look-a-like Sage Rosenfels to, well, Robocop. So either quit reading now, or forever hold your peace.

So... yesterday afternoon, if you saw the Tennessee Titans-Houston Texans game on TV, you thought one thing: "Fuck. The Tennessee Titans-Houston Texans game is on TV."

And then, maybe, you thought another thing. Who the hell does that back-up QB remind me of? Well, if you're a movie guy, Gump4Heisman.com has your answer.

FOr a quick recap: if you didn't quit watching the game once the Texans lost starting QB Matt Schaub and fell behind 32-7, you missed out on a whale of a comeback. Back-up Texans QB Sage Rosenfels led them to a historic 29 4th quarter points. Quite frankly, he was a machine. Pun intended.

After a few early turnovers, he rebounded to throw for 290 yards and 4 TDs, including an amazing 53-yard hail mary TD to Andre Davis with :57 left in the 4th quarter. The TD pass completed a nearly 30-point 4th quarter in which the Texans recovered two straight onsides kicks and scored touchdowns on four-out-of-five possession to end the game. Then, in the final seconds, Rosenfels was upstaged as the Titans drove right down the field for Rob Bironas' game-winning, NFL-record 8th field goal.

In short, Rosenfels made NFL history. And along the way, he did something else. Looked just fucking like 1980s film icon Robocop.

Robocop?

Is it even possible to look like Robocop? What, like, in the chin?

Apparently so.

PICTURED: Robofels...(left) and Robocop (right).

LEFT: In case you are wondering what Rosenfels will look like in 2027, when there actually could be robocops.

So what the hell is going on? Is our government keeping secrets from us? Are we months removed from a society ruled by Sage Rosenfel-lookalike robot polic officers? Is Sage Rosenfel a robot created by the NFL to enter games and ensure that they are close, AKA ratings-fests?

Who knows. But if you’re looking for some awkward-moment kicks to keep you occupied until the epic Alabama-LSU game in two weeks, go up to a stranger and tell them the following:

“Um, excuse me sir… Has anyone ever told you that you look like just like Robocop?”

“Yea, oh yea. Just like him. Not so much in the eyes. But in the mouth/chin you’re a fuckin’ dead knocker.”

“Hey guys, come see. Does this fucking guy not look just like Robocop? Huh? Am I right? Am I right?”

“Hey, can you do the robot dance? Affirmative.”

You’re sure to get the reaction you’re looking for. So long as you’re looking for a puzzled expression followed by a “What the fuck?” followed by a “Go away or I’m calling the cops.” (SOMETHING TO NOTE HERE: You could always get lucky and they could dispatch a real-life Robocop, who would probably be quite understanding, given the circumstances.)

PICTURED: “Dead or alive, Matt Schaub just lost his job.”

PICTURED: “Affirmative. The Titans prevent defense blows robot balls.”

PICTURED: “Yo Rosenfels, good game. Let’s party it up post game. I don’t know about you, but I could go for doing some blow off a future-hooker’s titties.”

PICTURED: “Ah, Rosenfels. Admirable try. But I’m afraid you’ve left too much time on the clock. Your kind is outdated Rosenfels. Washed-up. Done. Obsolete. Allow me to introduce you to our new model: RobBironasCop. This metallic beauty could nail 8 field goals before you even know what hit you. Two tons of futuristic field-goal making power unlike anything this town has ever known. You can't stop me Rosenfels. Now step aside. Because I'm a fucking 80's action movie villain. And this is my fucking end-of-the-movie justify-my-actions speech. You lose Rosenfels. And I win. I'm untouchable. So remember, this is my fucking town.”

"RobBironasCop, take this motherfucker out."

Comments

[Dustin]

"Back-up Titans QB Sage Rosenfels led the Titans to a historic 29 4th quarter points."

I think you mean "Texans". It is actually incorrect in several spots.

Great blog. LOVE the College Football Monkey.

[gump]

Dustin,

Thanks man. I need a f'in editor or something.

[Chuck]

Damn, Dustin, why'd you have to ruin it for the rest of us. That was the funniest part.