Neil McCready... TRANSLATED

Gump4Heisman.com


So, there's this Neil McCready email going around. And if true, it's pretty darn interesting.

First, the backstory.

Some of you who don't closely follow the man (evidently a lot of you) may have wondered what was going on when Mobile journalist Neil McCready disappeared from the WNSP Radio show "The Sports Drive," only to show up a few months later writing articles for the Ole Miss Rivals affiliate RebelSports.Net.

Well, he was fired. Canned. Shula'ed.

Interesting.

Because McCready once claimed fired head coach Mike Shula was "the best Alabama can realistically hope for," and described the very thought of Nick Saban-to-Alabama as "Eddie-Murphy-at-his-peak hilarious."

 And now McCready, who once aired shows  Delirious with the hirings and firings of the SEC and Alabama, was the one getting the Raw deal. What had happened? His condescending criticisms of Life in small-town Alabama couldn't have been sharper had they come straight from the teeth of a Vampire in Brooklyn. Sure, those in places like Beverly Hills Cop an attitude towards small-town life and its limitations. But in Alabama, college football is king. And the pressures of what happens on Saturday Night Live on the shoulders of everyone who makes a living from it. Take McCready for instance. For five years, during the heyday of Alabama's downturn, he was The Golden Child. But things change quickly. When McCready was on top, he mocked the squeaky clean image of Mike Shula, saying the cutthroat SEC was no place for The Distinguished Gentleman. He mocked Alabama's fan base, saying the chances of Saban coming to Alabama were as good as the chances of Fidel Castro Coming to America. Then, 48 Hours later, Saban was Alabama's coach. And, seemingly Another 48 Hours later, McCready's radio career went Boomerang. Right back to where it started. Dead. Faded into black. As dark as the sky over Harlem Nights. Things had indeed come full circle. Less than a year after the employed McCready had mocked the fired Shula, the two men found themselves Trading Places.

And now to present-day, where a letter written by McCready to WNSP is making the rounds. Some may read it and think 'Hmm. Classy.' Others may read it and think 'What in the name of cheap-shots-masquerading-as-classy-send-offs was that?'

But the rest of you - providing you are from the North-American cultural mecca of Mississippi and not the bare heathen lands of Mobile, Alabama - should be able to judge this for yourselves.



NEIL McCREADY... IN HIS WORDS :


Gentlemen,

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for your firing of me last November. I mean that sincerely. Had you not fired me, I likely would not have stepped up my searching for a new opportunity in a new locale. As a result of your firing of me, I was receptive last Dec. 23 when Rivals.com called me to discuss a position running the Ole Miss Rivals site. I'm in my second month in the position, and I have never been this happy professionally at any other time in my career. So, again, thanks.

Business is booming, I am surrounded by people who genuinely care about their product and provide support and advise to the people who provide it. It has been remarkably refreshing. It has also been wonderful to return to a place my wife and I consider home.

She and the kids will be joining me here on a permanent basis soon, and we're very excited to be in a new environment where we are surrounded by family and friends and in a place that offers far more culturally and socially to our children than Mobile and/or Spanish Fort ever possibly could.

I would also like to take this opportunity to inform you that I have advised my attorneys that I will no longer be pursuing legal action against you for the three months' severance I believe you owe me.

It's simply not worth the time or the trouble, in my opinion, and I have moved on. I do regret that you chose the manner you chose to fire an employee of 5 1/2 years, but to each his own.

I congratulate you, also, on your decision to bring Mark back to your station. He was wonderful the first time around, providing what was easily the best period in Sports Drive's history and I have no doubt he'll bring spark and energy back to a program that was, at least in my opinion from the few times I heard it, woeful in recent months.

I think he and Pat will do well together. I hope you give Mark a chance to earn the position permanently.

Sincerely

Neal McCready

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NEIL McCREADY... TRANSLATED :


Katie,

I want to take this opportunity to thank you for dumping me. Had you not dumped me, I would not have this rock-hard six pack sex-fest of abs. They are so awesome and hard. People take pictures of them all the time. I don't have any pictures of them though.

You dumping me forced me to get a gym membership, and now I look better than ever. Thank you for that. I look so good now. Wow, I look good. Seriously. I'd do me. Everybody tells me I look good. Just then, when I was writing that sentence about me looking good, this lady walked by and said "You look real good Neil!"

My sex-life is booming. The past two months I've been with a girl named Sarah. She is so much hotter than you. I don't have any pictures of her though. But she is way hot. Man, she's so hot. She is curvier than the Nike Swoosh. Everywhere I go people are like "Neil, that girl you have been with for the past two months is so hot!"

She so much cooler than you. And smarter. And her body is better. Sure she shops in the 'Plus' sizes, but her body is so much better than yours. When I was with you everything was uncool and sucked, but with Sarah everything is Fonzie.

I want to thank you again sincerely. I'm so happy in my new life that I spend time away from it to write you letters. I'm so over you.

I would also like to take this opportunity to tell you that I told the Private Eye I hired to follow you the past few months to lay off. It's not worth it. I'm so over what happened. Even though you are a terrible person. I don't even think about it anymore.

I still think it was pretty horrible of you to dump me even though we dated for two years and I bought you all six seasons of Sex And The City on DVD even though I hate that show.

>I want to congratulate you on how wonderful I think it is that you are seeing Brad McKenzie again. I think he's a pretty cool guy. Because all the other guys you were with were woeful douchebags. I mean it. I saw facebook pics of you with the first few guys and they were all gay and horrible. Woefully woeful, gay, horrible douchebags.

Best of luck to you and Brad. Now that you and him are already getting serious, I totally think you guys should get serious.

Sincerely,

Neil McCready

Comments

[Bob Smith]

I do not understand what is going on lately. At the end of last year this sight was a favorite of me and my coworkers. As of recent....at best, afterbirth. Saucey fucking afterbirth. Get your shit together and write somethig funny jokeman. This article can suck my fucking dick.

[Moreno IV]

Well, that was rude Mr. Smith. Afterbirth can be funny...like if it was on your head. That would be funny, AfterbirthMan.

[funny jokeman]

Bob,

That's because, at the beginning of THIS year, I began doing stand-up comedy, which has limited the time I can devote to entertaining unappreciative cocksuckers.

Yours truly,

Dr. Fallatio

P.S. This article is not going to be able to give you tongue-pleasure. No my friend. Though maybe if you printed it out, and rolled it up, you could use it for some type of primitive, paper-based lube.

[Mobile radio listener]

McCready is the biggest douche to ever be transmitted via radio. He is a pathetic excuse for a man, even though there is a great possibility that he isn't one. I, along with everyone else that wanted to scalp themselves after hearing him speak, are glad that this clown is off the air and has been sent to America's colon, Mississippi.