Gump For Heisman

The Gump's Off-Season "ASK THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY" Extravaganza

GUMP4HEISMAN.COM

The monkey is back.

After a lull of doing nothing but smoking dope and throwing his shit at young zoo-goers, college football's favorite talking, corporate-sponsored monkey is back to do what he does best:

Say funny cuss words.

And, cover college football topics.

This week is the most monkey ever. Enough material to cover three "Ask the College Football Monkey" segments.

Frankly put folks, it's a motherfucking extravaganza.

...

Should NFL teams really look into Darren McFadden's so-called "character issues," even though he never faced any serious suspensions in college?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

So Monkey,

Are you surprised at the fact that LSU could again have multiple 1st Round picks in Saturday's NFL Draft?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

Speaking of the draft, what do you think of Dallas's move to acquire Pacman Jones for a 4th-Round pick?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

So monkey,

Should Glenn Dorsey be drafted by the St. Louis Rams at #2?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

 

-----

Alabama has consistently placed players in the 1st round of the draft from the days of Bryant all the way through Bill Curry and Stallings. Then I read somewhere that they haven't had a 1st-round draft pick since Shaun Alexander in 2000.

Is that true?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

Can Alabama's coaching staff really keep up the unprecedented recruiting they've done under Nick Saban?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

Next Friday's "Ask the College Football Monkey"

GUMP4HEISMAN.COM

Monkey, monkey, monkey. Yes, that's right, the College Football Monkey is back by popular demand. And this Friday, he was in an even more offensive mood than usual, using poor taste and even poorer language. So to get all your profane kicks in... read on.

...

Hey monkey,

So, what do you make of Alabama’s season as a whole?
- Russell in Birmingham

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

Hey dumb monkey,

It’s the hot button question of the year that almost everyone's pissed about. So do you have an opinion of the BCS?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

Monkey,

With at least five other teams having a legit claim at #2, do you think this year’s championship game is as exciting as it has been in years past?

Jason from Georgia

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

Post-Thanksgiving "Ask the College Football Monkey"

GUMP4HEISMAN.COM

Now that everyone is back from a weekend full of driving, overeating, and awkward family interaction, it's time to settle back into work, turn down the volume, let go of your internal 'offended-meter,' and listen to the college football monkey answer all your college football questions.

College football monkey,

What do you make of Charlie Weis sort of calling out Jimmy Clausen, when he talked about the need him to bulk up this offseason?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

CFB,

Looking back, was it really that good of an idea for the Florida State defense to call out Tim Tebow?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

So monkey,
Phil Fulmer came out just before the Vols big win over Kentucky and said that he wants to win another national title before he steps down. Do you think he can do it?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

Friday's "Ask the College Football Monkey"

GUMP4HEISMAN.COM

So the monkey is back and ready for the weekend. For most of us, that means a relaxing weekend of enjoying downtime mixed in with some boozing and some football. But for the College Football Monkey, that means a wild weekend of hard-core gambling, boozing, womanizing, and, likely, solicitation of a prostitute(s). Good thing he's agreed to sit down with us now, and answer another batch of ridiculous questions in his own ridiculous way.

So please excuse Gump4Heisman as we, well, get our monkey on.



...

Hey Monkey,

What are your thoughts on Nick Saban getting his ass handed to him by the Miss St Bulldogs?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

Hey monkey,

What did you think of those new black uniforms Georgia debuted in their 45-20 massacre of Auburn?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

So monkey,

Even after Ohio State’s loss to Illinois, isn’t it kind of unfair that people are counting them out of the national title race? They have one loss just like the other teams. Any chance their hopes are still alive?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

Wednesday's "Ask the College Football Monkey"

GUMP4HEISMAN.COM

More college football season equals more college football monkey. And with the regular season wrapping up and the drama ramping up, the dirty little monkey has his hands full. And not just with his own shit.

This week, the monkey answers all your stupid, profane questions with, well, stupid, profane answers.

---

Monkey,

Is Oregon’s Dennis Dixon really that good?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

Monkey boy,

Are you surprised at Dennis Erickson having Arizona State 8-1 this season?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

Monkey,

Who, in your opinion, should win the Heisman Trophy?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

October 30: Ask the College Football Monkey

GUMP4HEISMAN.COM

For anyone out there wanting to make sense of the wackiest season in the history of modern college football, Gump4Heisman.com gives you the one man, er, monkey, who can do it.

Sick, twisted, and with a knack for inappropriate analogies, here is the college football monkey and his profanity insanity...

---

Dear College Football Monkey, 
Do you think it's time to get rid of Fat Phil?

Ryan

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

so college football monkey; what do you think of the ploy by lsu fans to wear houndstooth hats garnished in purple & gold for the bama game?

beaudreux rednesky, junior

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

Dear College Football Monkey,
Would you say that you don't know shit about football or that the AIDS makes you stupid? Inquiring minds want to know, go fuck yourself dumb monkey.
Justin from GA

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

Monkey,

My husband and I are simply appalled at your act. For shame! You are a sick, foul-mouthed monkey.

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

MONDAY'S "Ask the College Football Monkey"

The monkey is back. And what a week to cover. Upsets, blowouts, retarded LSU coaches - there's so much to cover it seems like eight hand-picked questions just aren't enough. But that's all anyone had time for. Because "anyone" is on his lunch break and is in the mood for some Hamburger Heaven.

Without further ado...

...more monkey.

-----

Hey CFB monkey,

What do you make of South Florida’s shocking loss to Rutgers?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

Yo monkey,

Does Georgia Tech beating Army help save Chan Gailey’s job?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

How about the 41-17 statement Alabama made over Tennessee on Saturday?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

-----

Tell me college football monkey, are you surprised to see Boston College at #2?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

GUMP4HEISMAN PRESENTS: "Ask the College Football Monkey"

GUMP4HEISMAN.COM

Yea, you read that right. The college football monkey.

SI has Stewart Mandel.

ESPN has Ivan Maisel.

Paris Hilton has herpes.

And GUMP4HEISMAN has the college football monkey.

And no love-making wounds. That we know of. Then again, there was that one shady hippy chick the other weekend. What was her name? Um, yea. There's no way I'm gonna remember it now. Shit. Where did I pick her up again? Was it Quick Grill? Oh fuck. No, wait. That can't be right. Wait, what's this receipt in my pocket? "Escort service?" That's weird. How would something like that get in my pocket? Whatever. I really need to focus on remembering how the hell I met this chick. And why my AMEX statement has a $350 charge to BHAM ENTERTAINMENT CO. ...

Yes, that's right loyal readers. The college football monkey - sponsored by careerbuilder.com - is here in all his profane glory to answer any questions you might have about the college football season past, present, and future.

So, ask away.

Dear college football monkey,

It seems to me like things in Nebraska are getting out of hand. What do you make of the whole Bill Callahan situation?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

---

So college football monkey,

Do you think Nebraska made the right move in getting rid of the Athletic Director Steve Pederson after four years?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

---

Tell me college football monkey, what's your opinion of the move Nebraska made to bring on Tom Osborne as interim AD?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

---

College football monkey,

OK, we're all shocked to see USF at #2 in the BCS. I understand they've had a dream season, but this is crazy. So my question is this: Do you think South Florida actually deserves to be in the BCS title game?

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

---

Hey monkey, you are an idiot and a whore for careerbuilder.com. You don’t have the first clue about football.

- Bob

THE COLLEGE FOOTBALL MONKEY SAYS...

---