“Deep Thoughts” by Quentin Groves

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If the earth is always spinning, how come I am not dizzy all the time? And when I am dizzy, does that mean the earth is spinning really fast? You know, to catch up. Because if you think about it, the earth probably goes out partying every now and then like the rest of us, and sleeps in. And then, you know, before the earth knows it, it’s three in the afternoon. The Earth is so lazy. Especially the Mexican part.

I never understood why people stereotype Sociology majors, but let Army majors off the hook. Especially when you think about how Army majors are all poor and lazy.

I wonder if quarterbacks get offended when people say not to be a Monday morning quarterback. Because hey, it’s only Monday morning. Are they supposed to have found a new job already? And if so, what is that job going to be? A bartender? And then, are people going to frown on them for being Monday morning bartenders? I sure hope so. Because people that drink on Monday mornings are alcoholics.

When I was a small boy, my uncle would come over to the house for Thanksgiving. One year, I asked him what turkey was made of. He told me to stick my hand up one and find out. So I took his advice. Looking back, I think he meant a dead turkey.

When I started playing football, people started treating me differently. People started inviting me places. At first it was great. Until we would actually get there. Because then those same people would run at me with helmets and try to knock me on the ground. People are mean.