Dyslexic Sugar Bowl officials extend bid to “9-2” Notre Dame

Fighting Irish mysteriously re-enter BCS poll at #11

SOUTH BEND, In. (AP) –

Notre Dame is back on the winning track.

And apparently, the Sugar Bowl committee has taken notice. By “accident.”

On Tuesday, officials representing the Sugar Bowl officially selected the downtrodden Fighting Irish as a BCS at-large participant in the Jan. 1st bowl game.

Yet there is a catch. And, as has been the case all year, it wasn’t made by a Notre Dame player. Rather the catch is that, at 2-9, the Irish are not bowl eligible. An oversight Sugar Bowl committee spokesman Knute Ruttiger-Ismael Smith was quick to explain.

“Dyslexia,” said Smith. “Straight up dyslexia. We all looked at their resume and said ‘Hmm, 9-2. 9-2 looks pretty good. Hey Johnson, come here. What does that record say to you? 9-2? Good. Come here Manly. What does that record say to you? 9-2? Well color me fuchsia. It does? Seriously? Because that’s what I’m getting. I like you Manly. A lot more than I like Johnson here. I don’t know what it is. Something about that name of yours. I like it. It reminds me of my first girlfriend. Ah, I had no trouble getting it up back then did I Johnson?’

‘Sir I didn’t know you then-’

‘Did I Johnson?’

‘No sir.’

‘Ah, I sure do miss those boners. 9-2 it is then.’”

It is customary for NCAA football teams to have to gain a minimum of six wins to become bowl eligible. Then again, it is also customary for NCAA football teams to join actual conferences, not have over-inflated network contracts, and not have head coaches with 87-lb. uber-pelvises.