***MEMO TO TEXAS A&M***

Dear Texas A&M,

Hello!

I am the University of Alabama. How are you doing today?

Good? Well that’s swell. How is the ol’ football program doing?

What’s that? You’re siring someone today? Well that must be exciting! I bet it’s swell being a Knight.

Anyway, well listen, if you aren’t too busy dunking your head in the toilet, I’d like to take a moment to get something off my chest.

Ahem.

I am the University of Alabama.

I will steal head coaches from any institution I see fit. I will steal head coaches from the New York Giants. I will steal head coaches from the Miami Dolphins. And yes, I will steal head coaches from you.

When I feel like stealing one of your coaches, I will promptly do so. His record at Texas A&M will be 25-14-2. That is a 61% winning percentage.

Then I will steal him. And he will come to Alabama and go 232-46-9. That is an 81% winning percentage. He will win 14 SEC Championships. He will win 6 National Championships. Math is neat!