Gump4Heisman interviews Auburn's Stan White

GUMP4HEISMAN.COM

There is no doubt that Auburn has had a heck of a run the past four years, going 42-9 with an SEC West title, an SEC title, and a People’s National Championship hand-stamp.

So where do they go from here? Well, with the aid of Auburn homer- er, radio announcer (and former QB) Stan White, Gump4Heisman set to find out.

So to help cure the off-season lull, “the Gump” recently sat down with Stan White, to look into where the Auburn Tigers have been, where they’re headed in 2008 and the situation right now in the state of Alabama…

GUMP: So Stan White, how you doin?

STAN WHITE: War Eagle.

GUMP: You’re doing ‘War Eagle’ today?

STAN WHITE: Yup.

GUMP: Is ‘War Eagle’ a mood?

STAN WHITE: It is for Auburn men and women.

GUMP: You mean men and women who live inside the city limits of Auburn, AL?

STAN WHITE: No, I mean Auburn men and Auburn women. Auburn men eat War Eagle for breakfast. Auburn men drink War Eagle for dinner. Auburn men shit War Eagle after dinner. Auburn men penetrate their Auburn women in the War Eagle position.

GUMP: So... War Eagle is also a sexual position?

STAN WHITE: No. It’s a way of life.

GUMP: Fascinating. So, Auburn started slow in 2007 but th-

STAN WHITE: I wouldn’t say they started slow. I’d say they played armadillo with the rest of the SEC for a little while.

GUMP: You mean ‘possum.’

STAN WHITE: That isn’t a very nice thing to say.

GUMP: What?

STAN WHITE: Well Mr. Heisman, I am not a possum. I am friendly, and I am a people.

GUMP: You mean ‘person.’

STAN WHITE: Why do you keep calling me names?

GUMP: Um… Apologies. If you’ll allow me. Misunderstanding.

STAN WHITE: There is no reason to bring your woman into this. I don’t care if she is Miss Congeniality. Or Miss Understanding. Or Miss fucking SmileyHappyFace.

GUMP: Wait, did he just say ‘fuck’? Did Stan White just say ‘fuck’ on my blog interview?

EDITOR: Sure as fuck did.

GUMP: Fuck.

EDITOR: Yea, fuck him. Fuckin' Stan White.

GUMP: Hey look, Stan White, this thing isn’t edited. Don’t say that anymore OK?

STAN WHITE: Say what?

GUMP: ‘Fuck.’

STAN WHITE: What happened?

GUMP: 'What happened??' You just said ‘Fuck.’

STAN WHITE: No, you just said ‘fuck.’ I just said ‘what happened?’

GUMP: Alright, fuck it. It already happened.

GUMP: Next topic. OK, so Stan White, Auburn rebounded to go 8-2 down the stretch. Can they carry that momentum over into 2008?

STAN WHITE: Well I think it was all a part of the plan. From 1-2 to 8-2. This coaching staff at Auburn knows what they’re doing. They like being the underdog. They’ve gone 42-9 since 2004. Even in the two early losses, Tommy Tuberville was 2-0 in those games until the final quarter was over. And he’s 8-0 in the last eight games they won. So, in a way, he was really 10-0.

GUMP: I’m not following you Stan White. Are you saying Auburn lost to South Florida and Mississippi State on purpose?

STAN WHITE: Auburn didn’t lose those games. Over the last four years, Tommy Tuberville is 9-0 in games Auburn didn’t win.

GUMP: That’s impossible.

STAN WHITE: No, what’s impossible is how no one gives Tommy Tuberville the credit Tommy Tuberville deserves. Even though, over the last 5 years, Tommy Tuberville has the best record of any coach in America on Buffalo Wild Wing’s .35¢ wing night.

GUMP: So what happened in the games Auburn didn’t win?

STAN WHITE: Different things. Weather. Referees. Abe Vigoda.