A Yankee’s Guide to SEC Media Days
by Gump4Heisman.com
OK, Yank. First off, if I’m going to help you report on the heavenly spectacle that is SEC Media Days. On one condition. If you are going to bring your pasty-legged, black-socks-and-sandals-wearing, look-at-me-I’m-a-fancy-Northern-journalist ass to SEC Media Days, you are going to have to understand two things:
A) Enough bragging about the whole “Battle of Gettysburg” thing. In your eyes, you decisively won the battle – allowing you to win the war, resolve a terrible conflict, usher our country into a modern era and save the United States of America. In our eyes, you got lucky. Yankee. (You want to talk about Monday Morning quarterbacks? A few of us Southerners are still pissed at General Ewell for not taking Cemetary Hill. In 1863.)
B) You just being here admits your inferiority. You had to come all the way down here just to see how badass we are. Admit it. You wanted to see real football. We know you look at us and shake your head. You call it “rabid-to-crazy.” We call it “41-to-14.”
With that, Gump4Heisman begins this two-part SEC Guide:
